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MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS
April 23, 2025
Would you like a happy marriage? What a silly question. Of course you do -- everyone does. However many people become unhappy with their marriage due to unrealistic expectations.
Many people who get married expect/assume their partner will change (how's that been working for you?). On the flip side, some expect their partner to stay exactly the same. Both perspectives can lead to disappointment.
Take Doug and Beth, for example (not their real names). Things are going so well that they are seriously considering marriage. Needless to say, they both want a happy one.
However, Beth does a lot of volunteer work with troubled teenagers. In fact, she has taken some girls into her home and would like to continue this even after she is married.
Doug admires her work but values his privacy and secretly hopes she'll change her mind after marriage. Beth, on the other hand, hopes Doug will embrace her cause. They never sought premarital counseling where this conflict would have been identified and discussed openly.
Fast forward. Doug and Beth have been married for four months. But instead of enjoying a happy marriage, they are in counseling. Both of them made one grave mistake -- they expected that the other would change after they got married.
If you are dating and considering taking things further, then ask yourself this question right now: Can I live with them the way they are? OR if you are already married and have now realized you and your spouse may not agree on core values -- seek counseling at the earliest opportunity. Open, honest discussion on the issues is the first step.
DISCLAIMER: This doesn’t mean you need to agree on everything, but make sure your disagreements aren’t deal-breakers. Agreeing on core values—like religion, parenting, and lifestyle—is key. If you disagree on something important, work towards a compromise. With this approach, you’ll have a much happier marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
Repairing Emotional Distance
April 12, 2025
When you or your spouse are having a bad day, do you end up in long arguments, ignoring each other for hours—or even days? You may miss each other emotionally, but both of you are waiting for the other to make the first move. This is known as emotional disengagement, and it’s common in marriages.
The key is learning to repair emotional damage and manage anger effectively. All couples fight, but if you want a happy marriage, you need to fix the emotional fallout and recover from mistakes.
Here are some tools to help:
1. Apologize
A simple heartfelt apology can save a marriage: “I’m sorry for what I did. Please forgive me.”
2. Confide in Your Partner
Unfortunately, many married people today aren’t willing to be vulnerable with their spouses. They mask their feelings with anger. If you want to have a better marriage, be honest with your partner; share your fears and insecurities with them. For example: “I got upset because I was worried about our son. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
3. Listen to Your Partner
Even if you don’t agree, listening and showing empathy is critical: “I see your point. I never looked at it that way.”
4. Take Responsibility
When marriage problems occur, both spouses are usually to blame. Getting defensive won’t help your marriage. Be open and let your spouse know that you take responsibility for your mistakes.
Ideally you should say things like: “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry. I understand why you reacted the way you did.”
5. Find Common Ground
Instead of focusing on differences, find common ground. For example: “We both want healthy kids, even if we have different parenting styles.”
6. Improve
Make real efforts to change and show your spouse you’re trying. If you promise to call when you’re late, follow through.
Use these tools to keep building a stronger, more beautiful relationship with your spouse.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
Have You Been Dating Lately?
April 5, 2025
Do you remember dating your partner before you were married?
Remember how much fun you had enjoying each other's company while sharing new experiences together?
Have you stopped dating your spouse?
Though most couples continue to go out on dates even after they are married, once they have kids, date nights seem to go out the window. Needless to say, this isn’t good for any marriage because married couples still need to go out and have fun.
Date night helps to alleviate the stress that comes with jobs, bills, and, yes, even kids.
Going out with your spouse once a month is enough to maintain a healthy marriage. There are so many ways to have fun, and although some cost a little bit of money, others are totally free. So if money is tight, you can still get out of the house and have a fun date night.
One of the main reasons why people stop having date nights is because they run out of new ideas! If you keep doing the same thing every month, then you are bound to get bored. So here are a few fun date night ideas to get you started:
- Dinner and a movie (classic)
- A concert
- Go to a play
- Walks in the park, along the beach or some other nearby scenic area
- Swimming
- Miniature golf (goofy, I know…but sometimes goofy is good!)
- Book a hotel for a night and recreate your honeymoon
- Ice skating
- Picnics
- Hikes
- Go to the county fair and ride the bumper cars
- Ride bikes together
- Roller Blading
- Couples' massage
- Bible study with another couple
- Go out for ice cream
- Weekend camping trips
- Dance lessons
- Have dessert while watching the sunset
- Get in the car and take a ride together while listening to your favorite music
- Go see your favorite comedian
Got some ideas? So go out on a date night this week! You have earned it. And your marriage deserves it!
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
How to Deal with Emotional Infidelity
March 29, 2025
One of the most hurtful things a spouse can discover is that his or her spouse is being emotionally unfaithful. And although he or she might not have been physically unfaithful, emotional infidelity hurts deeply.
What are some ways to deal with emotional infidelity?
Well, let's first talk about some ways that aren't effective when dealing with emotional infidelity: Emotional outbursts, or setting out to "win back" the emotionally unfaithful partner.
Other things that won't help you in dealing with emotional infidelity are: begging, flattering, making promises, sending flowers or gifts, and trying to be more social and outgoing. Surprisingly, these tend to fuel emotional infidelity even more because they usually push the cheating husband or wife away.
When it comes to emotional infidelity, cheating spouses react in various ways when caught. So here are a couple of reactions that you can expect:
The initial reaction might be panic and confusion because he or she didn’t expect to be caught. Later on they might either feel embarrassed or ashamed of their actions, or act indignant and defensive.
They might also shift blame and say “I did this because of you” or “to get back at you.”
With time, it's likely that he or she will feel remorseful when it becomes obvious to them how much pain they’ve caused you.
So what is an effective way to deal with emotional infidelity? Simply this:
"Backing off” is the tactic that will get you out of this predicament.
It will give you a better chance of saving your marriage because it allows time for your spouse to clear their head while giving an opportunity for the healing process to begin.
Although being the "victim" of emotional infidelity hurts like crazy, try to remain as calm as possible. And although you will probably be curious about the "other" person, refrain from asking questions.
Instead of being needy, practice being confident in yourself. Don’t demand a loyalty pledge or anything of the sort. Just do all you can to avoid being a pain in the neck no matter how much they deserve it! (I know that sounds harsh but trust me on this one).
Believe it or not, the emotional euphoria that your partner might be experiencing will soon fade. So control yourself and let it complete its course. Remember, your partner needs breathing room and quiet moments to think back and reflect on his or her behavior.
It will finally dawn upon the emotionally unfaithful spouse, that this current way of life is not sustainable. What usually happens is that he or she begins experiencing feelings of emptiness, and will have a renewed desire to live in the "real" world.
This is the pathway through emotional infidelity.
Though it is not easy, it is extremely important for you to practice patience and self-control. You may use a certain skill referred to as “charging neutral” to back off. Do not expect for it to happen naturally for you though; it will definitely take time, practice and patience.
So use this time to develop better self-knowledge, self-confidence and to strengthen the foundation of your life so you are better able to endure the storms of emotional infidelity and other relationship challenges.
Shift your mindset and choose to look at emotional infidelity as a golden opportunity for you to grow and mature; you never know, you might even impress your spouse in the process.
However, backing off doesn’t mean giving up and having nothing to do with your spouse.
Maintain quality interaction, and confront your partner with the reality of his or her decisions - share the potential consequences that their emotional infidelity might have on your relationship. Don't just be an idle spectator. But realize that the only person in the relationship you really have "control" over is yourself - and not them.
Learning how to say the right thing and do the right thing, at the right place and at the right time, will help you deal with emotional infidelity.
And remember, although it might sound counter-intuitive, backing off will enhance your chances of not only surviving emotional infidelity but of also saving your marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
How to Handle Stress in Your Marriage
March 22, 2025
Are there stresses in your marriage that are slowly evolving into marriage problems?
If so, then realize that you are not alone. Most, if not all, couples get mad at each other and argue at some point or another because of stress. But this only fuels marriage problems. So here are some tips for dealing with stress in your relationship:
Talk It Out
Good communication is key to easing stress in your marriage. When issues come up, talk about how you feel, and really listen to your partner’s side. Remember, your spouse isn’t a mind reader, so don’t assume they know what’s going on with you.
Don’t Take Things for Granted
Small stresses can snowball into bigger problems, so stay alert to the little things before they turn into bigger issues. Catch them early and deal with them together.
Work as a Team
Marriage is a partnership. Work together to keep things happy and stress-free. You are a team. So each person needs to do his or her part to keep the marriage happy and stress-free.
See Things From Your Partner’s Perspective
This not only helps you to understand where your partner is coming from, but it also increases your understanding of what it is that is stressing the marriage. Never assume you're right and they’re wrong—it only makes things worse.
Consider Counseling
Most married people are reluctant to seek marriage counseling because they feel the stress isn't that bad yet. But a happy marriage, in which there is minimal stress, doesn’t happen easily; so don’t put off getting advice from a qualified Christian marriage counselor. You shouldn't take this to mean that your marriage is in dire trouble, instead see it in this light: you care enough for your relationship that you are willing to do whatever it takes to deal with unhealthy conflict and stress in order to have a happy marriage.
We all know, marriage requires work. However, by practicing regular communication with your spouse, and confronting problems head on, the amount of stress in your marriage will decrease significantly and everyone will be happier (and healthier) as a result.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
The Surprising Link Between Spirituality and...
March 15, 2025
The research is in... and it’s true—spiritual couples have better sex!
You might be surprised to hear that, especially if popular media has led you to believe that deeply spiritual Christian couples might shy away from discussing sexuality. In reality, there’s a strong connection between spirituality and sexuality that can lead to a much more fulfilling intimate life.
Healthy Christian spirituality involves several principles that actually enhance marital sex, and forgiveness (grace) is a big one. When we hold grudges against our spouse, it creates a barrier to intimacy. Without that closeness, genuine sexuality can’t thrive. But when we release resentment and forgive each other, that barrier disappears, making space for better sex!
But grace also means being able to receive forgiveness. When we don't accept forgiveness, feelings of guilt and shame creep in, and those feelings are the opposite of sexy! Guilt and shame make us feel unworthy of intimacy, both emotionally and physically, which, as you can imagine, isn’t great for a healthy sex life.
Another beautiful principle is self-sacrificial love. When we put our spouse’s needs above our own, it makes them feel loved and cherished, which leads to deeper intimacy—and you guessed it—better sex!
A Christian marriage, blessed by God, helps both partners feel secure and trusted. This trust builds a solid foundation, making it easier to connect emotionally and physically.
So, how can you bring the benefits of Christian spirituality into your marriage (and enjoy better sex)?
- Start by accepting the forgiveness of Christ. Let His love and assurance of eternal life fill you up.
- Pray for your spouse daily—ask God to show you how to cherish them more deeply.
- Commit yourself to Christ every day, and let Him work through you to bring love and grace to your marriage.
A truly spiritual partner is one of the sexiest things you can be. And one of the incredible benefits is, yes, better sex!
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
My Big Secret
March 8, 2025
Here’s a secret for a happy marriage that’s simple, easy, and takes less than 25 seconds. Yet, the impact it has on a relationship is profound.
It’s a sincere prayer that I pray often.
Instead of praying for God to change my spouse, I pray for Him to change me.
I believe that if more couples prayed this prayer, there would be far fewer divorces.
I ask God to help me see my spouse through His eyes. I ask Him to help me recognize just how much of a gift my partner is. Then, I take a moment to thank Him for them. I truly believe my spouse is a treasure—a beautiful gift.
How many times have you wished you could change your spouse? How many times have you seen their faults, shortcomings, and imperfections? And how often do you feel frustrated rather than grateful for them?
Most of us wouldn’t admit thinking those things, but if you're in a marriage that feels less than fulfilling, or if your spouse has become less than ideal in your eyes for any reason, I urge you to be a person of grace. Be a source of grace for your spouse.
Start by praying for God to change you—to make you more like Him. Ask Him to help you see your spouse's good qualities and be thankful for the love and commitment they’ve chosen to share with you.
Shifting your focus in this way can completely reshape your marriage. It’s a powerful step that you can take right now, no matter what’s going on in your relationship.
This is one of my secrets for a happy and fulfilling marriage, and it’s something you can start doing right after you finish reading this email!
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
This Can Negatively Impact Your Children
March 1, 2025
This isn’t an easy topic today, but it’s vital we talk about it.
“Kid’s are resilient; they’ll bounce right back.” Have you heard people speak this way about children when their parents are getting a divorce? I certainly have. But research demonstrates that children suffer long-term damage as a result of divorce, and I personally believe that infidelity has a lasting impact on children too.
Let me explain.
When a parent cheats on his or her spouse, children feel as though they were “cheated on” as well. They often feel as betrayed as does the offended spouse; infidelity affects them deeply. “Weren’t we good enough for daddy?” or, “Why would mommy do that to us?” are typical expressions of pain from children when a parent has cheated.
Infidelity can be a trigger that causes these children to experience regressive behavior or act out in school or with siblings.
But, the negative effects of infidelity are not always so immediate. Longer-term negative effects may occur as well. Allow me to illustrate by a quick story.
A young man came to me for counseling. He was facing a big decision in his life. He had been dating the same young woman for nearly 3 years. His girlfriend was becoming impatient, believing that their relationship should either be taken to the next level or broken off. She was looking for a commitment. It was time for her young man to propose to her.
While this man admitted that he truly loved his girlfriend, he was having a terrible time making such a big commitment. It wasn’t that he doubted her or his love for her, and it wasn’t that he was unconvinced that she was the right girl for him. The issue was with him!
As we talked he eventually shared with me that when he was a little boy he learned of his father’s infidelity. While the marriage eventually survived, infidelity had left its mark.
“All my life,” he shared, “everyone has told me how I am a clone of my dad. We look alike, talk alike, act, and think alike. And it’s true! I’m an awful lot like my dad. So, if I’m that much like him in every other way, how do I know that I won’t be like him when it comes to being able to make and keep a commitment to my wife? Dad broke his commitment, how do I know that I won’t do the same thing?” Fear of infidelity was paralyzing him from marrying the woman he loved.
So, are kids all that resilient? Or does infidelity leave scars that last a lifetime? While it is possible to overcome the negative, I think the overwhelming evidence is that infidelity has severe, long-term effects on children.
I’m sharing this with you for two reasons: first, for those who have experienced divorce or infidelity, seek professional support for yourself and your children. Emotional resilience and normalization are possible with a qualified counselor.
Secondly, I want to encourage you – your marriage is good enough to save. The effort to keep your relationship growing and the commitment to remain trustworthy and faithful to your spouse reaps long-term rewards for you and your children.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
The Power of Prayer
January 25, 2025
Prayer can be a powerful tool to strengthen your marriage, so it’s worth turning to early when facing challenges—not just as a last resort.
Sometimes people feel a little awkward praying because they don’t know what to say. So here is a sample prayer for you to use or modify:
“God, we/I come to you in humility and sincerity. And we/I ask for your help in saving this marriage. Please fill us with your grace and wisdom. Amen.”
Prayer is powerful. When two or more people come together in prayer or share the same prayer, difficult situations can be turned around. For this reason, inform people close to you that you are seeking God’s help to strengthen your marriage and invite them to pray with you.
If you and your spouse share the same faith, then discuss with him or her how you would like to give a prayer a try (even spouses who don’t consider themselves particularly “spiritual” are often open to prayer).
So pray together. If you don't know where to start or feel awkward, suggestions on how to pray can be obtained from books or the Internet.
Being on the same page in terms of what you want from your marriage, especially with regards to prayer and the spiritual dimension, will help you to save the marriage.
You can also offer prayer for a marriage on behalf of someone else. If you have a friend who has told you that he or she has a struggling marriage, and you share similar beliefs and values with regards to marriage, divorce or re-marriage, then feel free to let them know that you are praying for their marriage.
Praying to save a marriage in which you are not directly involved requires wisdom and caution when informing the involved parties that you are praying for them. For instance, if you want to pray for your son’s or daughter’s marriage, you might be accused of being nosy. But don’t give up! Ask God to save the marriage.
As you pray for that marriage, realize that only God knows the full story for He alone knows the heart. But He has a desire and a purpose for that marriage.
Also, remember that no matter how much you want a certain thing with regards to that marriage, people have free will and will ultimately decide what they think is best.
Regardless of the outcome of your prayer for your marriage or the marriage of someone else, God is always working to accomplish His purpose in your life and theirs. Remember to look for the good in every situation -- focus on this.
Do whatever it takes to save your marriage...and let it begin with prayer.
January 18th 2025
Understanding Marriage Abuse
Today's topic is not easy to talk about. But it's important that we address this subject often. Let's make some clarifications on what abuse looks like in marriage and understand what to do about it.
Marriage abuse can take many forms: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and sexual. It ranges from hurtful comments and jokes to more severe actions like physical violence or even worse.
The scary part is that if left unaddressed, abusive behaviors tend to get worse over time. Abuse doesn’t just go away on its own – it’s something that needs to be confronted.
Unfortunately, it’s common for victims to experience multiple forms of abuse, impacting their emotional and physical well-being. While emotional and verbal abuse may not leave visible scars, they can be just as damaging, often taking longer to heal than physical injuries.
Many victims also feel guilty, thinking they triggered the abuse. But it’s important to remember: abuse is never the victim's fault. Abusers choose to behave this way, and it's tied to a need for control and their own issues. No one deserves to be mistreated.
Here are a few key facts about abuse:
- 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
- Domestic violence is the leading predictor of child abuse.
- Boys who witness abuse are more likely to repeat it as adults.
- Abuse often escalates unless something changes.
If you’re in an abusive relationship, here are some steps you can take:
Acknowledge the problem: Both parties need to admit that abuse is happening. It’s not easy, but it’s the first step toward change.
Remember it’s not your fault: Victims need to understand that they didn’t cause the abuse. No one deserves to be treated this way.
Seek help: Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) or develop a safety plan. Talk to someone you trust, and remember that police can help protect you if needed.
To those in this situation, let me remind you once again, you do not have to face this alone. Help is available, and you deserve a life free from abuse. Please take that first step toward healing.
January 11, 2025
MONEY PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE
If money issues are stressing your marriage, you’re definitely not alone—every couple faces financial challenges at some point. A common struggle is when one partner feels left out of discussions about finances, which can lead to arguments. In fact, money is often a major source of conflict, right up there with sex and kids.
For a healthy marriage, both partners need to be involved in financial decisions. Open communication is key to avoiding money problems and making smart choices together.
If your marriage is dealing with financial ups and downs, don’t lose hope! Here are five tips to help you navigate those rough patches:
1. Pick the Right Time
Choose a calm moment to talk about finances. A nice dinner out can create a stress-free setting, or if you prefer home, then make arrangements for the children to be somewhere else so they don’t overhear and become burdened or worried about the family finances.
2. Prepare
Don’t spring money worries on your partner unexpectedly. Write down the topics you want to discuss to stay focused and avoid drifting into other issues.
3. Stay Calm
Try to keep the conversation unemotional. Avoid personal attacks—use “I” statements instead of “you” to express your feelings without pointing fingers.
4. Let Your Partner Share
Be respectful and encourage your spouse to share their thoughts too. Listening is just as important as talking!
5. Make a Plan
Talking about problems is just the start—come up with a plan together. Create a basic budget, set goals, and outline steps to improve your situation.
If the conversation gets heated, it’s okay to pause and revisit it later when you’re both in a better frame of mind.
If money worries are weighing you down, take action today and start turning things around! It’s just another way to build up and strengthen your marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
January 4, 2025
THE BIG THREE C's
Would you like to improve your marriage? Ever secretly wish you could change your husband or wife? Would you like 2025 to be the year of being MADLY IN LOVE?
Then BE the change you want your marriage to be by practicing The Three C's
Here are the Big Three that happily married couples practice to maintain a healthy relationship:
1. COMMUNICATION
Do you and your spouse talk?
Do you have conversations? And are those conversations filled with warm, kind, loving, caring, and supportive words?
Are your conversations intimate, deep, and personal? Or are they filled with facts like “What’s the weather like outside?”
When alone, do you and your spouse talk and enjoy each other’s company or is your time together filled with silence?
If you’re struggling with trying to establish healthy communication, then please go see a marriage counselor to get talking again. And here’s a few tips to help “grease the wheel” of communication:
- Discuss issues and problems as they arise.
- Don’t hide your feelings.
- Don’t ignore conflict.
- Don’t go to bed angry.
- Don’t let the conflict fester.
- Deal with problems while they are small and easily manageable.
In other words… communicate. 
2. COMMITMENT
Be committed. And demonstrate your commitment. Let your spouse know how much he or she means to you.
How often do you share a meaningful “I love you” with them?
How often do you let them know how glad you are that they are in your life?
When was the last time you left a loving card to brighten their day (their birthday and Valentine’s Day don’t count because you’re expected to leave cards on those days)?
This tip on commitment might sound simplistic but I guarantee most couples fall short in this area.
Creating a safe environment for your spouse in which they feel loved and cared for goes a long way to ease the pressures of daily life; and it keeps you close.
One more thing about commitment: never, ever threaten to leave over little things; and be careful about giving ultimatums altogether.
Threats and ultimatums diminish trust because they make your spouse second guess your commitment to the relationship.
3. COMPROMISE
Marriage is a dance - it’s about give and take.
It’s unhealthy to walk all over your spouse and to let them walk all over you.
Compromise. Don’t let your ego rule. Strive for balance.
Each of you has wants, hopes, and dreams, and both of you should be allowed to pursue them - and you should support each other in the pursuit of happiness.
Compromise. Compromise. Compromise.
Love doesn’t seek to coerce, manipulate, or dominate. It gives, serves, and supports in an attitude of charity, warmth, and kindness.
What is the state of compromise in your marriage? Happy couples who have marriages that last for a lifetime have learned the precious habit of compromise.
To stay mad about marriage instead of being just mad, practice the three C’s.
Communicate, express your commitment, and be willing and happy to compromise.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
December 28, 2024
RESOLUTIONS FOR 2025
What direction is your marriage headed?
If nothing changes, where will you be this time next year?
Many couples struggle because they wait too long to seek help. Feelings of hurt and resentment can pile up, making things worse.
To help you reflect and improve your relationship as the year wraps up, here are six questions to consider:
1. Do I Ever Feel Like Life Would Be Better Without My Spouse?
It's normal to have this thought occasionally, but if it’s happening a LOT, it’s a sign something needs attention. If you feel stuck and trapped in your situation, then please find a marriage counselor because ignoring these feelings only makes your marriage worse.
2. Do I Feel That There Is More Bad Than Good in My Marriage?
Your marriage will not get better on its own. So unless you do something about it, expect more of the same. And is that what you really want?
3. Do I Rarely Have Things to Say?
Healthy communication is key. If you and your partner aren’t talking much, it could mean you don’t feel safe opening up.
4. Do We Fight Over the Same Things All the Time?
If you’re stuck in a cycle of the same arguments, it’s a sign your relationship may be stagnating. Do you really want to be in this place a year from now? Make the choice to change it!
5. Have I Given Up Trying to "Fix" This Relationship?
It can be tough when one partner feels like they’re doing all the work. If you’ve checked out, it can create distance. Remember, most marriages have potential—don’t give up just yet!
6. How Intimate Are We?
Intimacy goes beyond physical connection; emotional closeness matters too. If you’re feeling disconnected, consider reaching out to a trusted marriage counselor for support.
As we approach the end of 2024, take some time to reflect on these questions. If your marriage feels off course, decide now to get back on track - you have that kind of power!
You can create a healthier, happier relationship in the coming year.
Cheers to you and yours as you focus on making your marriage healthier than ever!
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
December 21, 2024
THE BEST GIFT OF ALL
If you want something extra special to give your spouse, I have a suggestion or two.
These aren't your typical gifts - things you wrap. Nope. These are much better.
These seven gifts can save your marriage from divorce, fill your relationship with peace and joy, and have you celebrating love for the rest of your life. Here they are:
1. Give Your Spouse The Gift Of A New Attitude (You Not Them)
What kind of attitude do you have?
Are you pessimistic or optimistic?
Do you look for the worst or the best in your spouse?
Do you find fault or give encouragement?
I'd say that one of the very best gifts you can give to your spouse this Christmas is a new attitude. This alone has the power to usher in a new era - a new stage - in your marriage.
So instead of being negative, critical, and selfish, be optimistic, encouraging and supportive, and generous!
Don't know where to start? Then do this: start smiling at your spouse more often, and tell them what you appreciate about them. Do this and I think you'll have a pretty amazing Christmas!
2. Choose To Restore Your Relationship
Is there something wrong with your relationship? If so then you have three options: You can ignore it, fume and fuss over it, or restore it. The choice is yours.
Give your spouse the gift of a restored relationship this year. Stop making excuses. Just do it.
3. Stop Blaming Your Spouse For Your Problems
Look, marriage takes two people. Your spouse causes some of the problems and YOU cause some of the problems. So stop blaming your husband or wife for your marriage's problems because you both are responsible for the challenges facing you.
Give your spouse the gift of no longer blaming them for everything that is wrong with your relationship.
Grow up. Take responsibility. And break free from the blame game.
4. Share Your Vision With Your Spouse!
Give your spouse the gift of letting them know what you want from them, life and your marriage.
Spend some time alone in the coming days to figure this out. Then share it with them.
Share any problems or challenges you see, and any dreams, goals or desires you have.
5. Give The Gift Of Time
One of the very best gifts we can give to our wife or husband is the gift of time. Time is something that when it's gone it's gone forever.
So give your spouse the gift of time - give them your FULL attention; distraction-free time.
6. Practice The Golden Rule
How would you like to be treated? Start treating your spouse this way.
Be loving, appreciative, kind, caring, warm, playful, fun, energetic. You get the idea.
Scripture says that we reap what we sow. So start treating your spouse how you want to be treated. Give your spouse the gift of a "new" kind of love this Christmas.
7. A Problem-Free Break
Give your spouse the gift of a mini-vacation in 2025. Make it a problem-free break where you decide not to dredge up the past or talk about old wounds.
The purpose of this mini-vacation is to enjoy each others' company without any of the hurts, hang-ups, or fights. Just get to know each other again.
There you have it. Seven awesome gifts to give to your spouse this Christmas.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
December 14, 2024
Getting Along with the In-Laws...Ladies, this one's for you
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December 7th 2024
Getting Along with the In-Laws.....For all the men out there
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November 30th 2024
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November 16, 2024
How to avoid divorce and Save your Marriage
This is a longer email today. But I think we would all agree...the topic is worth spending a little extra time on.
Most people begin their married life as a happy couple - avoiding divorce or saving marriage is the furthest thing from their minds because of the blissfulness they enjoy.
But as is often the case, conflicts and bitterness creep in, and eventually the couple wakes up in the dreary world of “irreconcilable differences" wondering how it ever came to this.
Although divorce might seem like a good option (especially since so many couples are doing it), it's the least effective way to solve marital conflict.
Taking divorce off the table and doing whatever it takes to save your marriage is the best option. This also avoids the social, psychological, financial, and spiritual damage that a divorce will cause.
A potential damaging result of divorce is living alone or having a sense of loneliness or isolation. Contrary to what some people might think, it is not easy (or healthy) for a man or woman to be alone.
Marriage and relationships are vital for creating whole-person wellness. (In fact, some societies consider marriage to be prestigious and look down upon single and separated people -- this is wrong, of course, but it is interesting.) Besides, marriage provides personal and social stability and helps to satisfy our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.
Additionally, we all know that divorce and separation can have serious adverse effects on children. Their tender minds can be seriously affected by the absence of one parent, giving rise to psychological problems.
Prolonged psychological disturbance may affect their ability to lead a normal life later on. Needless to say, your children are one of the main reasons why your marriage is worth saving -- they deserve it. You owe it to them to do whatever it takes to repair your relationship.
But trying to save a marriage isn’t easy, that's for sure.
One of the hardest things to do is to acknowledge your role and take responsibility for your share in creating the problems/conflict.
The natural inclination is to blame your spouse for causing the marital strife. But that isn't right.
Want to avoid divorce and save your marriage? Then follow these steps:
- To save your marriage, stop casting blame on your spouse. Take responsibility for your mistakes.
- Focus on yourself and do what you can to become a better person -- work on your issues.
- Take inventory of any red flags that could be sources of conflict in your relationship such as:
- boredom
- broken trust
- poor communication
- infidelity
- emotional abuse
- addictions
- lack of sex
- lack of respect
Do any of those red flags exist in your relationship? Then roll up your sleeves and get to work finding solutions. Find a therapist, a Christian marriage counselor, a seminar, a book, support group, whatever. Just take action.
Doing this early on improves the chances of your marriage being saved.
It seems most of the time divorce occurs due to a lack of understanding and compromise -- or because the couple waited too long to work on things.
To avoid divorce and save your marriage, you must be willing to tame your ego and take the initiative to resolve your relationship problems. As it's been said many times before, you can be right or be happy. The choice is yours.
To avoid divorce and save your marriage you will need some ground rules. Here they are:
- demonstrate a willingness to listen, really listen, to your partner
- make a genuine effort to not only listen but to understand them
- stay calm and avoid arguing, blaming, rationalizing, or criticizing
- be polite and show courtesy and respect (don't roll your eyes)
- ask questions - clarify issues to better understand the source of conflict and to heal it
I've already said this but I'll say it again. If you are having a hard time solving problems on your own, then you owe it to your spouse, yourself, and your children, to enlist the services of a qualified Christian marriage counselor (I recommend Christian counselors because usually divorce is considered an option in only the most severe situations.)
A counselor will help you to become aware of your mistakes and to work through the conflict in finding lasting solutions.
Counseling also helps couples to improve their communication skills.
Although the advice in this email might appear simple at first blush, don't kid yourself (have you actually tried this stuff?).
A couple who practices these simple steps to avoid divorce greatly increases the odds of saving their marriage. So don't put it off any longer. Better days are just around the corner.
November 9, 2024
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT
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November 2, 2024
FINDING RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ONLINE
Is it possible to find good relationship advice online?
The short answer is yes.
The long answer is "maybe" because you have to really look for it and be committed to sifting through a LOT of mediocre information to find it (such is life in today’s world).
But here are some ways to make the task faster and easier.
Start by searching for the words “relationship advice” or “marriage advice” using your favorite search engine. (Here’s a tip, enclose the words in quotes to get targeted results.)
Prepare to be bombarded by the millions of sites on relationship advice. But here is the upside to this process. Your eyes will be opened to information that you might not otherwise know existed.
For example, if your spouse is an alcoholic, you will likely find information on support groups in your area.
But here’s the deal. Before you can trust relationship advice from the Internet, you must first verify that the information is from a reliable source. Look for articles that are written by people who are authorities in the field of marriage and relationship advice. Finding reliable relationship advice online is similar to making an online purchase - you must be a smart consumer to avoid being misled.
Be careful with “online marriage counselors” who ask you to spend money on products or services that are “guaranteed” to save your marriage. Do your due diligence by taking a few minutes to research the company or individual making these promises.
If the person claims to be a practicing marriage counselor in a certain state, make an effort to verify his or her qualifications and licenses. If you are having marriage problems, then the last thing you need is to make the relationship worse by taking advice from an unqualified counselor.
If you can, identify any relationship problems that you are facing and then search online for specific answers to those relationship problems. For example, if you are suffering from domestic, alcohol or drug abuse, the Internet is a great place to find help.
In fact, you can find online relationship advice on just about any marriage problem you can think of. Just be careful and use good sense.
AND NOW -- for the shameless plug. The Mad About Marriage Articles are FABULOUS!
